willyoulovemeh:

I just want to be slightly drunk, half naked, and completely on top of someone.


do ur squats
eat ur vegetables
wear red lipstick
dont let boys be mean to u

(Source: honky-tonk-badonk-adonk)

planetfuckingjupiter:

new olympic sport: the contestants must sit on their legs until they fall asleep and then run down a flight of stairs

timelordes:

timelordes:

my best friends name is elsa and today she said “i wish people would stop asking me if i wanna build a fucking snowman”

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(Source: braydaaan)


thatfunnyblog:

this is the me-ist thing of all time

(Source: kit-harington)

misterchekov:

reblog if your dick is longer than your arm

(Source: akailolita)

lecterspet:

juliuscaesarofficial:

hazelnutcappuccino:

whose-titan:

captain-fucking-levi:

rainbowjaeger:

choose-yukki:

akigay:

that same anon just sent me ketchup 15 times what did i do to deserve this

AS SOON AS I REBLOGGED IT SOMEONE SEND ME PIZZA AND MY FRIEND WHO ALSO REBLOGGED THIS GOT APPLE PIE 15 TIMES

IS THIS A MOTHERFUCKING CURSE

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i’m gonna

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this is not okay

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UM

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i WASNT EVEN EXPECTING ANYTHING WHAT IS THIS

so far i’ve gotten penut butter, julius caesar, and dicks

???

kimpissible:

In english, we say “shut the fuck up” but in spanish they say “cierra la boca puta” which translates to shut your bitch mouth and i think thats beautiful

sextronautt:

panic! at the deadline

What matters in life is not what happens to you but what you remember and how you remember it.
Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez (via a-thousand-words)
  • parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock!
  • clock: 11:01
  • me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now